Life Experiences & Observations

I’ve been to many funerals over the last 25 years and have heard and seen plenty of wonderful and touching speeches delivered. I have always been scared shitless to deliver one myself but knew this day would ultimately come. I sure hope I don’t fuck it up.

I apologize for my language but did you really think I was going to eulogize my Mom without including a couple of swear words? These words were always part of her vernacular. While it may have put some people off when my Mom did use foul language I always loved that part of her personality.

I can’t believe I just used the F word at a funeral.

Well my Mom was a very memorable person and so should her eulogy be. You may be offended but I think my Mom would be proud. I promise to try and keep it clean in my speech, from this point forward.

Growing up in Minnesota on Idaho Lane my Mom was always considered one of the cool moms on the block. My friends in the neighborhood frequently gravitated to our house. Probably because she was more lenient than their own parents but also because of how fun she could be. She was a second mother to all of them. They all loved my Mom so much.

My best friend Nate was like my Mom’s third Son. She helped him through the grieving process when Nate’s own mom passed away.

I remember the day we left Minnesota to move to Arizona. There were a ton of people from up and down the block coming to say their goodbyes. Sure some of them came to say goodbye to me but ALL of them came to say goodbye to my Mom. And plenty of tears were shed that day.

Nobody in the state of Minnesota, and anywhere for that matter, will forget her unique phone answering technique. While some have tried to copy it, nobody could replicate her wicked cool answering intonation. I won’t say it out loud but I know you can hear it in your head.

My Mom touched so many people in her life. When I met someone for the first time that my Mom knew, it was remarkable that they all said almost exactly the same thing. “You’re Larry, Charlotte’s son, right? I just love your Mom.”

My Mom wasn’t technically a therapist but she was masterful at giving advice. She was always giving friends and family life advice whether they wanted it or not. Yes she was straightforward and blunt, but she was always clear that the final choice was yours, to take the advice or leave it. Everyone almost always took it because she was almost always right.

Well except for that one time when my wife and I took a break from dating and my Mom told Sharon to move on. Thank God Sharon is just as strong willed as my Mother and never took that piece of advice.

My Mom taught me the importance of finding your dream job. She loved being a realtor. When it came to my work, my Mom was my best cheerleader and biggest supporter. When I chose to take a big risk by pursuing my dream job as a professional poker player, she never had a doubt that I would make it work. She was, however, concerned about my choice and was regularly checking in to ask me how it was going? She was worried but proud. Many people thought my choice was crazy, but my Mom thought it was amazing!

I always called my Mom if I needed someone to talk to or needed some advice. Who am I suppose to call now?

My Mom loved bowling, playing blackjack, reading, and doing puzzles. When her eyesight deteriorated she turned to audio books and it was something she loved to partake in.

My Mom loved Coke and unfortunately cigarettes. While cigarettes most likely contributed to her medical condition, Coke helped sustain her in the last week of life. I guess all of our choices have trade offs.

Every future holiday get together will never be the same. In addition to her fun and playful personality, my Mom was a masterful cook and was always there to prepare the holiday meals. Whether it was for Passover, Hanukkah, Rosh Hashanah, or Thanksgiving she was a staple in the kitchen. And she did her cooking with a ton of zeal.

My Mom was a fighter and I mean in a good way. While at Hospice for a few days, individuals in other rooms were coming in and then leaving to their eternal homes. Whereas my Mom, she just kept breathing. She fought to stay alive a few extra days, despite her pain, so loved ones from out of town, even as far as Israel, could fly in to say their goodbyes. It was a truly touching selfless act of love.

First she waited for Anne, then she waited for Liora, then she waited for Samantha, then she waited for Lyndie & Jaymie, and finally she waited for Kelsey, Brayden, and Mason.

She always said that she was going to work as a Real Estate agent until the day she died. And she pretty much did. Just last week she received a client referral call on her cell phone. I believe it was Wednesday Feb 14th. Unfortunately we had to let the prospect know my Mom was unable to accept her final potential client.

Last night my Wife and I had a discussion about My Mom telling Anne in the hospital, when her talking started to dissipate, that she had a lot to say but not enough energy to say it. I would give almost anything right now to hear all those things that my Mom wanted to say. I think there is a clear lesson here. Don’t delay in telling your friends and loved ones all the important things you have to say. Opportunity can quickly melt away, like cold ice cream, on hot Arizona summer day. 

My Mom was so special that even Kurt Cobain came back from his eternal home to be a nursing assistant and provide her with hospice care. I know this is kind of an inside joke for the many who spent time in hospice with my Mom, but I couldn’t resist. Humor helps to heal us. Well his real name was actually Parker not Kurt and I will be eternally grateful for the gentle care he provided to my Mom in her last days of life.

Over the years my mom came to hate the city of Boston, and who can blame her. All of her last few trips there were for funerals. She vowed to never step foot in the city again. When my daughter fell in love with the city of Boston and chose to attend Brandeis University in Waltham Massachusetts I knew a conundrum started to swirl in my Mom’s head. While my Mom can be a stubborn individual at times (I know, big surprise), her caring side always seemed to win in the end. She ultimately told my daughter Samantha that she would break her promise to herself and go to Boston to see her granddaughter graduate college. My heart breaks for the city of Boston, whose reputation with my Mom will never be repaired. And my heart breaks for my daughter Samantha, who will never get to have her Bubbie at her college graduation.

My Mom got to FaceTime with Samantha a couple days before Samantha flew into town. Despite intense pain and decreased energy she found the strength to tell Samantha about all her amazing traits. My Mom made everyone feel special.

I struggle to put into words the strong bond and relationship that my daughter Sophia had with my Mom, her Bubbie. I remember the day Sophia was born and her traumatic entry into the world. Once Sophia was stable and breathing it was my duty to inform the family of Sophia’s birth and what was going on. When I entered the waiting room at the hospital, with many family members eager to hear the news, the shock came over me like a tidal wave, and I couldn’t utter a word. My Mom was the first one to say something. She said… Well?? I then said… “It’s a girl but…” and proceeded to explain the troubling details about her birth and the medical status I had up to that point. At times it can be challenging to talk to Sophia and talk to people about Sophia.

Where are you Sophia? There you are, We all love you!

My Mom knew how to talk to people about Sophia and to Sophia from her first day of life. That’s how truly special my Mom was. And my Mom was super proud of the young woman Sophia has become.

Somehow I talked my Mom into becoming a Bubbie. That’s not an easy role to take on but after 23 years of being a Bubbie it’s obvious to me that the title of Bubbie fit her personality perfectly. Even my cousin Anne, when talking to my Mom in the hospital said “You sound like Bubbie (my Mom’s mom). And you know what my Mom said… “I am a Bubbie!” She ultimately took pride in being a Bubbie.

In general my wife Sharon had a very good relationship with my Mom. That being said, with two very strong willed women having a mother in law/daughter in law relationship, there was bound to be some conflict. They did, however, always find a way to resolve their differences. Even though it wasn’t always easy to see, they grew to love each other. I have to thank my wife Sharon for all she has done for my Mom. I don’t know how my Mom and Dad, would have gotten through these last few weeks without Sharon’s love and support, in too many ways to count.

My Mother In Law Joyce and my Mom became very good friends over the years. Every time Joyce was in town they would find some time to go to lunch just the two of them, and they would talk for hours about anything and everything. I am sure Joyce will miss my Mom just as much as we will. And so will my Mom’s friend Diana. She was at the hospital and hospice more times than I would have ever expected. From challah deliveries to great conversations, it was clear that Diana was one of my Mom’s very close friends. While all of us are grieving, losing one of your best friends has its own unique challenges. My heart goes out to you Diana.

My Mom was always an amazing bridge between my family, my brother’s family, and my father. I pray that the bridge she built remains stable. My Mom kept the bond strong with Jeff, Linda, Matthew, and Andrea… even when times got difficult as hell. She loved them dearly despite our religious differences.

How do I even attempt to describe the relationship my Mom had with my Dad. No words are ever going to do justice to a 62 year commitment of life partnership. They taught me how a lifetime of marriage can endure the best of times and the most troubling of times. They traveled the world together, had kids together, loved each other, partied together, weeped together, battled sometimes with one another, but always made up in the end. Watching the pain my Dad is going through as I read this speech feels like a second wound to my heart. I am always here for you Dad and love you very much.

And then, of course, there’s my Cousin Anne from Iowa.  If you don’t know how strong the bond was between Anne and my Mom (Anne’s Aunt Charlotte), imagine Anne having the warrior strength to spend pretty much every waking and sleeping moment with my Mom in her last few days of life. And if that wasn’t enough, she also helped my Mom with her last breath before death. Who has the strength to do that? Well she certainly did and so did my Israeli cousin Liora. They both will forever be my hero’s for giving my mom this indescribable gift.

To my cousin Mollie. The way you have been such a rock through all this medical turmoil is truly incredible. From late nights in the ER with my Mom and Dad, to helping with things around the house, to helping with Sophia so I could spend additional time with my Mom. These last few weeks would have been much more difficult if we didn’t have your help, love, and support. My Mom truly recognized your love and compassionate commitment to her and our family. You were one of the only ones my Mom asked about the one respite day you took for yourself. I know today’s funeral is pulling you away from a potential personal development opportunity. The sacrifices that you have made for my Mom, and our family, is unbelievably altruistic.

I wish I could mention every family member and friend that my Mom had a great relationship with but we would be here all day if I started to go down that path. Just know, all of you out there today, if you had a relationship with my Mom, that relationship meant the world to her. She had the ability to bond with an infinite amount of people.

I’ll finish up with this. There were two pieces of advice my mom would give in difficult times. Her two favorite sayings, from her advice repertoire, were these…

“Life goes on”

and

“This too shall pass”

Sadly… not this time. My heart will forever be torn. I love you Mom!